Tuesday, March 22, 2011

OK first posting for a few weeks....what a month or 2....

Hi there, so my first HCG experience was a bit of a bust, although I did give it my all, I know I can do better than what I did.  I think the key is going to be PLANNING.   Also, *committing* and putting those blinders on and following the protocol to the letter, no if's, and's or but's.   Still haven't decided when I'm starting again, but it's going to be at least after one month of regular exercise in the gym for me, because I need to exercise during this or I will surely DIE!  (I kinda go a little crazy w/out regular aerobic exercise and/or strength-training).   

And of course another thing that was making the diet extremely difficult was the fact that, unbeknownst to me, my employers were planning on laying me off--but in reality, what they actually did was to see if they could make my life a living hell to the point where they wouldn't HAVE to lay me off, I'd just quit under the stress.   I had NO idea this was going on, and it was at its worst while I was trying to do the diet!  I figured everything that was happening was a direct result of me being hungry or feeling weak and/or moody.   Talk about "gaslighting".   Much to my former employer's chagrin, I never took the bait; but still I did get laid off about a week and a half ago.   Frankly, good riddance to them.  Maybe now I can concentrate on things that are more important than THEM.

OK as soon as I figure out what's going on, I'll be back here!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Considering today a loading day. Starting ALL OVER AGAIN tomorrow.

Yes it is true.  Coincidentally, today is Fat Tuesday & tomorrow Ash Wednesday...if I were religious, this would be so convenient, lol.

My thoughts are this:  I bought the drops, I started this blog, I started the diet, I faltered and stumbled.  I don't need to just quit because I stumbled & fell.  I can start again. 

This time I can make a different committment.  The committment is not just to Try To Get Through This so I can get to the weight loss.   This time it will be simply Staying On Protocol for 21 days.  No cheating.  No giving up in frustration.  Simply following the directions of the diet.  That's it.  After 21 days I can decide what to do next.  OK, starting the drops again. 

Monday, March 7, 2011

Did not weigh in this morning. Not done with this though.

I wrote this to this homeopathic HCG board on Yahoo that I'm on.  I hope I get a detailed response....I believe I can actually do this if I get all my ducks in a row w/ regard to information. 

OK so I ended up throwing in the towel on the diet 3 days ago out of frustration (this is a really difficult diet, especially if you are really addicted to carbs as I am).    I believe that one element contributing to my mental focus (or lack of it) while on the diet was a lack of being convinced of the validity of the diet.   I did do research on the diet but there is so much conflicting information out there that it was almost impossible to navigate it with confidence.  When I asked questions based on the available facts about the diet on another board I was on, I was treated as if I were a pariah whose main purpose in life was to "debunk" the diet.  Apparently my questions about the validity of the diet -- my questions on How Does This Diet Indeed Work? and What About All The Naysayers, Are They Wrong?-- were taken as "Disrespect" by the moderators of that board.   Of course, that type of response to legitimate questions only made me even MORE cautious to take the diet seriously---because if these people actually had intelligent answers to my questions, they likely would not be so defensive and emotional about my asking them.  SURELY they are aware of the controversy surrounding this diet, I can't be the ONLY one with questions.   Their inability or lack of desire to answer the questions, further, their mocking attitude towards me was a *huge* red flag....about THEM, not the diet. 
OK, so I started the diet still not convinced that I was doing the right thing, and I stopped it after a week because it was very difficult and frustrating, but I still think there is something TO the diet.   After being on the diet for a week, I noticed a few things.  Although I started putting more milk in my coffee again, I noticed that I didn't ever actually *finish* the high-milk coffee, and ended up switching it out for clear tea.  Breads were "just ok", not the LIFESAVER I thought they would be after a week without them.   I craved the water I'd been drinking.   I looked forward to my small meals.  I was still not hungry, even without the drops. 
Last night I stumbled across a movie on Netflix streaming called FAT HEAD.   It starts off as a reply to Morgan Spurlock's Super Size Me movie, but then veers off into information reinvofcing the idea that sugar and carbohydrates are the real problem with American diets, NOT FATS.   Basically, everything about the HCG diet that I had questions about, was explained through the bulk of this movie.  It had the answers that the people on the other Board could not answer.    I highly recommend the movie (it's slow at first but kicks in later). 
So my question is this (sorry for the lonnnnnnnnnng set-up):  If I want to re-start the diet, how can I do that to make sure I achieve maximum results this time?   Should I just begin again with loading days & go for it?
Also, I am a person who *absolutely needs* to exercise or else my mood is just really low.   I used to run 4 miles a day 4 times a week, but had a break of several months before starting the HCG diet.   I'm really wanting to start the diet again and include maybe a 1-2mile run in 4 times a week.   Sorry for the lengthy email, any advice you could give would be highly appreciated! 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

159.2, I stopped the drops and the diet.

Calories yesterday:  1750.  
Today:  not on diet, but counting calories.  
Still thinking about tomorrow....my body seems to be craving the meat, vegetable, fruit, water; it's not so thrilled about bread, dairy.    OK.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day 10 vlcd: +0.2 lb (-4.0 lbs total), 158.6 (gained only .2 even with the cheats?)

Weird.   Yesterday was the big cheat day and I ended up gaining 0.2 lbs?   Very weird.  It may show up tomorrow, or the next day...they say you lose exactly 3 days with a cheat, at least.

Strangely enough, I'm back on the diet fairly naturally.    Apple for breakfast, & brewing my coffee.

I've been rather obsessed with the diet for a few weeks now...maybe it's time to just relax & let it do its thing, whatever its thing is.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Went a little crazy today with the cheats. Day: Over.

Today was tough, and I've been emotional.  After my first cheat this morning, I got a call from my friend who is really against severe diets...at least it seems she is...she told me she was reading about this diet & was urging me to not do it, because it's "not natural" and it's "messing with hormones" and that she thought I was going to ruin my metabolism and otherwise screw my body up.  She was telling me that she missed the high-energy girl who ran 4 miles almost every day.   She was really breaking down my reserve, telling me that I may never be able to eat carbs without gaining weight ever again.....and now I have to do more research because I'm second - guessing myself about this now.

Today's cheat (I chalk the whole day up to a Big Misstep):
apple fritter:  560 cal
plain m&m's:  240 cal
slice cheese pizza: 600 cal
1 tbsp mayo:  100 cal
1 slice bread:  75 cal
100 grams chicken:  170 cal
3 tbsp whole milk: 27 cal
4 tbsp pad thai noodles:  125 cal
grand total:  1897 cal

Well.   I'm thinking that I need an attitude change.  I need some coping skills, too.   I'm off to read others' blogs and to do some more research.

Day 9 vlcd: +0.2 lb (-4.2 lbs total), 158.4 (this is the wrong direction!)

OK, I am not at all happy about this.  This diet is way too hard to be having a stall in the first week.   Well, here's what they DON'T talk about so much with this diet:  You will have high levels of frustration (if you don't lose despite putting in a serious effort), impatience (time doesn't seem to move quickly enough), and boredom (there's only so many ways to prepare these foods, not to mention that eating and food are such social affairs--you have to kiss that good bye for awhile).  

I will say that I have not had hunger over the past day or 2.  Seemed like on day 6 my hunger went away and stayed there.  

Also, last night I did have an extra helping of the 100 grams of meat while I was cooking my chicken last night; I just gobbled up one of my 100-gram servings as I was putting my chicken in their little single-serving bags.  I wasn't even HUNGRY; I was just SO BORED.   So, I can't totally be surprised.  But I still AM surprised because I still am only eating like no more than 650 calories a day.  I know that I'm not showing enough patience here, but I'm only human, so I won't beat myself up over it. 

I knew that I shouldn't but I got ANGRY at the scale this morning and I decided to "go off" the diet (for the moment) and I had an apple fritter with a coffee that had 1/3 cup of whole milk in it (I'm enjoying that cup as we speak, heehee--and strangely enough, I'm DONE with it after sipping 1/4 of it.  It is making me too full and I'm actually going to go switch to some clear TEA.  Maybe I AM changing??!!!!).     It was almost a "planned cheat" because I KNEW I was heading straight for the donut shop as soon as I saw my weight this morning.  I even still brought my chicken, my orange, my melba toast, & my greens to work with me.  So I am NOT going to chuck this, but I just got upset and angry and decided I wanted my sugar, bread and milk/coffee.     They say that the foods that are your "go to's" are the ones your body is most affected by in negative ways.   So,  if I am a sugar / carb addict, then So Be It, I'll work with it, I'll keep going on this diet, I'll work to change it.  I'm gonna need a plan of action to deal with the Boredom, the Impatience, the Frustration, and the Isolation Factor.   If anyone has any suggestions I am here with open ears!!