Tuesday, March 22, 2011

OK first posting for a few weeks....what a month or 2....

Hi there, so my first HCG experience was a bit of a bust, although I did give it my all, I know I can do better than what I did.  I think the key is going to be PLANNING.   Also, *committing* and putting those blinders on and following the protocol to the letter, no if's, and's or but's.   Still haven't decided when I'm starting again, but it's going to be at least after one month of regular exercise in the gym for me, because I need to exercise during this or I will surely DIE!  (I kinda go a little crazy w/out regular aerobic exercise and/or strength-training).   

And of course another thing that was making the diet extremely difficult was the fact that, unbeknownst to me, my employers were planning on laying me off--but in reality, what they actually did was to see if they could make my life a living hell to the point where they wouldn't HAVE to lay me off, I'd just quit under the stress.   I had NO idea this was going on, and it was at its worst while I was trying to do the diet!  I figured everything that was happening was a direct result of me being hungry or feeling weak and/or moody.   Talk about "gaslighting".   Much to my former employer's chagrin, I never took the bait; but still I did get laid off about a week and a half ago.   Frankly, good riddance to them.  Maybe now I can concentrate on things that are more important than THEM.

OK as soon as I figure out what's going on, I'll be back here!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Considering today a loading day. Starting ALL OVER AGAIN tomorrow.

Yes it is true.  Coincidentally, today is Fat Tuesday & tomorrow Ash Wednesday...if I were religious, this would be so convenient, lol.

My thoughts are this:  I bought the drops, I started this blog, I started the diet, I faltered and stumbled.  I don't need to just quit because I stumbled & fell.  I can start again. 

This time I can make a different committment.  The committment is not just to Try To Get Through This so I can get to the weight loss.   This time it will be simply Staying On Protocol for 21 days.  No cheating.  No giving up in frustration.  Simply following the directions of the diet.  That's it.  After 21 days I can decide what to do next.  OK, starting the drops again. 

Monday, March 7, 2011

Did not weigh in this morning. Not done with this though.

I wrote this to this homeopathic HCG board on Yahoo that I'm on.  I hope I get a detailed response....I believe I can actually do this if I get all my ducks in a row w/ regard to information. 

OK so I ended up throwing in the towel on the diet 3 days ago out of frustration (this is a really difficult diet, especially if you are really addicted to carbs as I am).    I believe that one element contributing to my mental focus (or lack of it) while on the diet was a lack of being convinced of the validity of the diet.   I did do research on the diet but there is so much conflicting information out there that it was almost impossible to navigate it with confidence.  When I asked questions based on the available facts about the diet on another board I was on, I was treated as if I were a pariah whose main purpose in life was to "debunk" the diet.  Apparently my questions about the validity of the diet -- my questions on How Does This Diet Indeed Work? and What About All The Naysayers, Are They Wrong?-- were taken as "Disrespect" by the moderators of that board.   Of course, that type of response to legitimate questions only made me even MORE cautious to take the diet seriously---because if these people actually had intelligent answers to my questions, they likely would not be so defensive and emotional about my asking them.  SURELY they are aware of the controversy surrounding this diet, I can't be the ONLY one with questions.   Their inability or lack of desire to answer the questions, further, their mocking attitude towards me was a *huge* red flag....about THEM, not the diet. 
OK, so I started the diet still not convinced that I was doing the right thing, and I stopped it after a week because it was very difficult and frustrating, but I still think there is something TO the diet.   After being on the diet for a week, I noticed a few things.  Although I started putting more milk in my coffee again, I noticed that I didn't ever actually *finish* the high-milk coffee, and ended up switching it out for clear tea.  Breads were "just ok", not the LIFESAVER I thought they would be after a week without them.   I craved the water I'd been drinking.   I looked forward to my small meals.  I was still not hungry, even without the drops. 
Last night I stumbled across a movie on Netflix streaming called FAT HEAD.   It starts off as a reply to Morgan Spurlock's Super Size Me movie, but then veers off into information reinvofcing the idea that sugar and carbohydrates are the real problem with American diets, NOT FATS.   Basically, everything about the HCG diet that I had questions about, was explained through the bulk of this movie.  It had the answers that the people on the other Board could not answer.    I highly recommend the movie (it's slow at first but kicks in later). 
So my question is this (sorry for the lonnnnnnnnnng set-up):  If I want to re-start the diet, how can I do that to make sure I achieve maximum results this time?   Should I just begin again with loading days & go for it?
Also, I am a person who *absolutely needs* to exercise or else my mood is just really low.   I used to run 4 miles a day 4 times a week, but had a break of several months before starting the HCG diet.   I'm really wanting to start the diet again and include maybe a 1-2mile run in 4 times a week.   Sorry for the lengthy email, any advice you could give would be highly appreciated! 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

159.2, I stopped the drops and the diet.

Calories yesterday:  1750.  
Today:  not on diet, but counting calories.  
Still thinking about tomorrow....my body seems to be craving the meat, vegetable, fruit, water; it's not so thrilled about bread, dairy.    OK.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day 10 vlcd: +0.2 lb (-4.0 lbs total), 158.6 (gained only .2 even with the cheats?)

Weird.   Yesterday was the big cheat day and I ended up gaining 0.2 lbs?   Very weird.  It may show up tomorrow, or the next day...they say you lose exactly 3 days with a cheat, at least.

Strangely enough, I'm back on the diet fairly naturally.    Apple for breakfast, & brewing my coffee.

I've been rather obsessed with the diet for a few weeks now...maybe it's time to just relax & let it do its thing, whatever its thing is.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Went a little crazy today with the cheats. Day: Over.

Today was tough, and I've been emotional.  After my first cheat this morning, I got a call from my friend who is really against severe diets...at least it seems she is...she told me she was reading about this diet & was urging me to not do it, because it's "not natural" and it's "messing with hormones" and that she thought I was going to ruin my metabolism and otherwise screw my body up.  She was telling me that she missed the high-energy girl who ran 4 miles almost every day.   She was really breaking down my reserve, telling me that I may never be able to eat carbs without gaining weight ever again.....and now I have to do more research because I'm second - guessing myself about this now.

Today's cheat (I chalk the whole day up to a Big Misstep):
apple fritter:  560 cal
plain m&m's:  240 cal
slice cheese pizza: 600 cal
1 tbsp mayo:  100 cal
1 slice bread:  75 cal
100 grams chicken:  170 cal
3 tbsp whole milk: 27 cal
4 tbsp pad thai noodles:  125 cal
grand total:  1897 cal

Well.   I'm thinking that I need an attitude change.  I need some coping skills, too.   I'm off to read others' blogs and to do some more research.

Day 9 vlcd: +0.2 lb (-4.2 lbs total), 158.4 (this is the wrong direction!)

OK, I am not at all happy about this.  This diet is way too hard to be having a stall in the first week.   Well, here's what they DON'T talk about so much with this diet:  You will have high levels of frustration (if you don't lose despite putting in a serious effort), impatience (time doesn't seem to move quickly enough), and boredom (there's only so many ways to prepare these foods, not to mention that eating and food are such social affairs--you have to kiss that good bye for awhile).  

I will say that I have not had hunger over the past day or 2.  Seemed like on day 6 my hunger went away and stayed there.  

Also, last night I did have an extra helping of the 100 grams of meat while I was cooking my chicken last night; I just gobbled up one of my 100-gram servings as I was putting my chicken in their little single-serving bags.  I wasn't even HUNGRY; I was just SO BORED.   So, I can't totally be surprised.  But I still AM surprised because I still am only eating like no more than 650 calories a day.  I know that I'm not showing enough patience here, but I'm only human, so I won't beat myself up over it. 

I knew that I shouldn't but I got ANGRY at the scale this morning and I decided to "go off" the diet (for the moment) and I had an apple fritter with a coffee that had 1/3 cup of whole milk in it (I'm enjoying that cup as we speak, heehee--and strangely enough, I'm DONE with it after sipping 1/4 of it.  It is making me too full and I'm actually going to go switch to some clear TEA.  Maybe I AM changing??!!!!).     It was almost a "planned cheat" because I KNEW I was heading straight for the donut shop as soon as I saw my weight this morning.  I even still brought my chicken, my orange, my melba toast, & my greens to work with me.  So I am NOT going to chuck this, but I just got upset and angry and decided I wanted my sugar, bread and milk/coffee.     They say that the foods that are your "go to's" are the ones your body is most affected by in negative ways.   So,  if I am a sugar / carb addict, then So Be It, I'll work with it, I'll keep going on this diet, I'll work to change it.  I'm gonna need a plan of action to deal with the Boredom, the Impatience, the Frustration, and the Isolation Factor.   If anyone has any suggestions I am here with open ears!! 

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Day 8 vlcd: +0.2 lb (-4.4 lbs total), 158.2

Dammit.  I expected another loss, I was on point yesterday.  Everything perfect.  (Even had a BM.) I DID take that mile-walk up the very steep hill though.   Oh well, I guess that's what my body's doing right now...will see again tomorrow.   :\

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Day 7 vlcd: -1.2 lb (-4.6 lbs total), 158

WAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!   Wow, I was thinking that I lost a pound, but I just realized it was one point TWO pounds!! 1.2!   THAT feels good!!  And, it seems I'm not having the hunger problems I was having earlier in the week--at least, not NEARLY as bad.  YAY!! I'M STOKED TO DO MORE!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 6 vlcd: -0.8lbs (-3.4lbs total), 159.2 Lost that gain.

Yesterday was ON POINT!  Except for that extra melba toast (would that have made it a whole pound lost if I hadn't eaten it??).    Last night Boyfriend baked a cake w/ almond meal & oranges on top.  I'm not a big fan of fruit in cake -- but the aroma was DIVINE!  

Hoping for another loss tomorrow.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Day 5 vlcd: +0.8lbs (-2.6 lbs total), 160

OK, so after 4 days, I've lost 2.6 pounds.  That is NOT good.  It's because of my cheat, for sure, so today I've been ON POINT.    Melba toasts, 2, check.  100 grams of lean ground beef, with lettuce salad, check.  One orange, check.  1.75 liters water so far, check.  1 tbsp milk in my coffee, check.    NO deviations.   I have an apple or orange, another 100 grams of beef, and another lettuce salad to look forward to tonight.  Maybe I should take an epsom salt bath as well....I think I'm probably detoxing in this first week, I hope.   I've been sleepy, cranky, hungry, low-energy.   But, every day does have its moments, both good and bad.   I'm still doing this.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Noooooooooooooooo! Cheated.

....yeah, I cheated at 10:00 at night, I could've just gone to bed but NO!!!!!!!!!!!
My boyfriend made this black quinoa w/ carrots, onions, marinara, some olive oil, chicken, and a little red wine.   I ate approximately 3/4 of a cup of this.   I had a tough evening so I'm not totally surprised.  OK so let's just move forward here...

Day 4 vlcd: -0.6lbs (-3.4lbs total), 159.2

So that's 3.4 pounds lost in 3 days.   That's actually not bad at all.   This is hard work for the results, so I really want to wake up one morning and see like a 6-lb-in-one-day loss, and then look in the mirror and suddenly I've magically transformed into a Victoria's Secret model, but um I guess that's not very realistic thinking lol.   Well, at least I'm taking the steps to get there....into VicSecMod-world, lol...hey, I just want to get close enough to knock on the door. :)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Day 3 vlcd: -1lb (-2.8lbs total), 159.8

Cool, another loss.  Remember, I'm not gonna have the same losses as others right now, mainly because of my botched first-week.   I'm telling myself this so I don't get disappointed!  This IS a difficult diet; I slept for at least 12 hours last night and can sleep some more.  Had dreams last night that I was on some sort of halucingenic drug that kept my awareness extremely blurred and groggy, and I had no strength....I kept waking up in the middle of it & remembering that I actually DONT have any strength or energy, lol.    I know that this stage will pass.    Just had my orange and my chicken, and am looking forward to a lemonade soda later made w/ mineral water, lemon juice, and stevia.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 2 vlcd: -1.8lbs, 160.8

A loss.  YAY!   About to make my tea...man, it's hard to not have my coffee w/ milk in the morning...one tablespoon of milk just doesn't cut it.   Breakfast:  Tea, lots of water.
Today has been difficult.  I'm not so much HUNGRY as I am just wanting to do something pleasurable that will lift my spirits.  I'm stuck at work and can't really concentrate on doing anything other than being obsessed with my diet, other peoples' diets, reading the yahoo boards, adding up my calories, drinking my water, etc., etc., etc.   Basically driving myself crazy.  Poured more than a tablespoon of whole milk into my coffee just out of habit...had half the coffee then tossed the rest.  Thinking about eating those spinach leaves....
alright this is enough. I'm outta here, see ya tomorrow!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 1 vlcd Starting Weight: 162.6 and I made it through my first VLCD day!

Man, today was the day from HELL, had a meltdown at work, not working well w/ my boss, so I had to take a personal day, so I've had stress...but I DID manage to get through my first official VLCD day 1 so ALL IS WELL.

Weighed this morning on my BEAUTIFUL new scale:  162.6 is my starting weight.

I know I may not have losses until after VLCD day 3 because of my last week's errors, but I almost don't care, because  DAY 1 is DONE!

And what's cool is that I stopped having hunger issues 2 days ago -- I guess the drops are doing their job!  Hope hope!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The week was a wash. Tomorrow is VLCD day 1.

Sorry to report that my first week went terribly but I'm trying to get on track again. Here's how it went:
  1. Had no scale so no starting weight, then
  2. Took 3 loading days instead of 2, as my time of the month arrived on a start-day.
**VLCD day 1 perfect, 500 calories
**VLCD day 2 I caved in:  1600
**VLCD day 3 I was eating normal food but not much, 1300 calories
**VLCD day 4 would be today....I'm at 1100.  

I finally got my scale in the mail so basically I can "re-start" tomorrow with an actual *starting weight*.

Stayed on my hccg drops the whole time.

I was told by someone on the forum that I should just use tomorrow as my VLCD day 1 and use that weight.  But I can tell I'm retaining water BIG TIME.  I feel like a large bloated waterbottle.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Screwed it up, must restart. Guess I was in too much of a hurry!

Well, so much for that.  I got through the first day but the second was a wash, I was sooooooooo hungry, on my period, and just threw it away so to speak w/ a coffee and a giant muffin after a harrowing morning.   I believe I may have been too enthusiastic about this, I should have waited until my period was over, and until my scales came in the mail. 

I'm going to call it a false start.  My scales come today (hope hope!) and then we can do it RIGHT.   

Monday, February 21, 2011

VLCD DAY 2.... ok, I am really hungry. This is not fun.

Having second thoughts about this whole diet right now...I'm really hungry, and the drops are not helping with that.   Don't have my scale yet so I can't weigh-in, ugh.   Still getting the period so that can't be helping still.  

Man, all I want is a large coffee and a muffin.  

I guess I'd better put my chicken in the oven & hope I get my scale tomorrow.   

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Ok so this morning I felt GREAT!  ...and I wish I could remember what that exactly felt like, because I am VERY HUNGRY right now and only want to go to bed to escape it.  I hope tomorrow is better...I don't know what I can do to make this easier but maybe it will just get easier.   My scale is supposed to be here on Tuesday the 22nd, and I am right in the middle of my period which I'm sure is not helping anything.   Hope tomorrow is better.

I took a 3rd loading day AND am getting the T.O.M.

OK, I was feeling sick and horribly hormonal and edgy this morning and after a cup of tea w/ stevia in it, which tasted not so good, I was remembering that some people were talking about taking 3 days of loading when using the hhcg.  So, I decided to do it...because I was feeling sick & crampy & depressed & anxious.   It helped to eat something....now I have to start the VLCD tomorrow.  So, tomorrow is the first day.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Loading Day #2 and SURPRISE! T.O.M. is coming!

Loading:  its not easy to do.  And I do think the drops are working, because I'm noticing this light-headed wierd dizzy feeling that creeps up every now and again, accompanied by a *very slight* headache.  Also, I'm spotting today which means the T.O.M. will be here in several days, *and* my scale is due to come in the mail on Tuesday, Feb 22.  I've decided to weigh & measure myself on the 8th day of the VLCD (after one full week on). 

Had this horrible combative interaction on the HCGdiet board at yahoo...yeesh.  Either it's me who is all temperamental because of my approaching T.O.M. and/or the full moon, or my communication style evokes reactionary defensiveness.  Or, all of the above!!  Ah well, I explained myself enough, time to move on w/ things.   

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Made an executive decision: Scale or no scale, I START TODAY

UPDATE:  3/3/11:  THIS WAS A MISTAKE. Do not rush into doing this diet.  Make sure you have everything you need and that you understand exactly what you're going to do.  Otherwise you'll waste your time and efforts like I did--as well as frustrate your first week's losses.   It's not worth it to be unprepared.

Ok, so here we go, I'm just going to plow forward whether I have a scale or not; this is because my scale hasn't arrived yet in the mail!  So, I'm just gonna have to literally skip right over the whole "Loading Gain - First VLCD day loss" dramatics & just go with my last recorded WW weigh-in weight, with a "one-week-on-the-diet"-1st weigh-in.    I dont' WANT to do this, but I want to get started this badly. 
Here's my starting measurements pic. 
Please excuse the um socks.
I figure that I'm ultimately trying to lose weight, so I can sacrifice those first few weigh-in numbers for the long-term gain of being thinner; so as long as I'm losing, then I'm going in the right direction.  My last recorded weight was 161.2 and that was 12 days ago (I skipped the most recent weigh-in; usually you weigh-in once a week).   I overate during that skipped weigh-in, so I'm guesstimating that I ultimately weigh about 162.  So let's just simplify this whole first week  (since I kind of HAVE to):  starting weight: 162.   Started the drops this morning, I'm starting w/ 6 drops 3 times a day.  Took my starting measurements.  That makes today Loading Day 1.  Now to set my iPhone alarm to alert me 3 times a day to take the drops. 

Starting Measurements:
upper arm = 13.5"
bust = 40"
chest = 34.5"
waist = 34"
hips = 41.5"
upper thigh = 25.5"
calf = 14"

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My drops are here!!!

Wow, I ordered them on Monday and they are here (Wednesday)!!!   Well I guess I'll be starting sooner than I thought...except for that I don't have my scales yet.   I probably should HAVE those, at least a starting weight, while I'm doing the loading days.  Tonight I'll read every last thing that I can in order to get myself ready, and then I'll decide if I'm starting tomorrow or Friday.   I suppose I could go to WW and weigh-in w/ their scales to get my starting weight....I'll check & see if there's a place I can go....wait, wait, there's scales at my GYM.  This means I'll have to get there early before work each day until I get my scales.  hmmm....well I'll decide that later tonight.


OK so my HHCG got shipped on Feb 15, and they said it would be 2-3 business days.   I was going to wait for the scale and the food scale to arrive before I officially started, but I'm too excited!  so I'm thinking my first day might be Saturday (Feb 19th).   We'll see though.  Stoked!!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Decision made, steps have been taken.

I bought the HHCG and you can't return it, so here we go. 

OK wait....if that sounds a little negative, let me fill in the blanks. 
I bought it *after* I heard that it worked as well as the Rx HCG, and it was cheaper, and after I'd decided that I really didn't feel like buying all the stuff you need in order to deal with the Rx HCG.  Didn't want to have to inject myself either. 

So of course I bought the homeopathic stuff based on many thumbs-ups I received from some protocol veterans.   I'm all stoked because I DID IT!! I BOUGHT IT!  

THEN I googled "homeopathy" and "how homeopathy works".   I clicked on one of the links given to me.  It takes me to a page that says only "It doesn't." 

Great.  I research a bit more and after reading a myriad of conflicting assertions about homeopathy in general, I figured I bought stuff that wouldn't work & got buyer's remorse!  But apparently it has worked for many many people, and *not* from a simple placebo effect; and since I can't return it (whoops!), I'm just gonna go for it & figure that it'll work.  Why not?

OK so since I'm going to DO this, I've taken some steps to get me going in that direction.
  • Killed my membership at Weight Watchers.
  • Bought a good bathroom scale.
  • Bought a good kitchen / food scale.
  • Joined that yahoo group that everyone keeps talking about.  Been reading the posts for a couple of weeks now.
Guess I'll have to post beginning pics at some point, w/ out my head or other distinguishing characteristics that make me ME.   I hate when people don't post pics, but I also don't want to be um . . . on the internet in my undies!!!  At this weight!!   Oh well, let's get started.

I will receive my HHCG in the mail hopefully by Friday, so let's see what happens.